If I lose Myself
by WeightlessWriter
Summary: Inspired by the song by OneRepublic, Zutara a few years after the war. Short and fluffy.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Inspired by "If I lose Myself" by OneRepublic

Zuko stared at the sunset, lost in memories of the past. It had been 3 years since the end of the war, 3 years since he had been crowned firelord. Things were different then. The war gave them a lot of freedom that they never really appreciated. They were a family back then. Zuko, Aang, Sokka, Suki, Toph, Katara. _Katara. _

It had been a years since he had last seen her. She had been standing next to the Avatar, reminding him of his responsibilities to world. _Always the mother. _They had departed for the Earth Kingdom with Toph to help Toph build a bending academy, and then return to the South Pole to help in the rebuilding.

Zuko remembered saying goodbye to her the evening before. He had wanted to tell her how he felt as they sat by the pond, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Katara was freespirited, and she could never be happy stuck in the Fire nation as Fire Lady for the rest of her life. _Besides, she had Aang. _

Anyone could see the Avatar was in love with her, had been since he met her.

Unfortunately for Zuko, this made her unattainable. And he hadn't thought of another girl since he had last seen her. He had broken things off with Mai when he realized that they weren't really compatible. Zuko was passionate; a living, volatile flame, while Mai was a candle; steady, but a far cry from the burning and all encompassing emotion that Zuko needed. The emotion that Katara was.

Katara would be arriving with Sokka and Suki the following morning, as they traveled to visit their old friend. For reasons unknown to Zuko, Aang would not be coming with them. The thought brought a smile to the Fire Lord's lips.

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True to his nature, Zuko awoke with the sun, adrenaline rushing through his veins. Today was the day, the day to see her again. Zuko heard a knock on his door while he dressed himself.

"Sir, the boat from the Southern Water tribe has just docked. Would you like us to send them into the throne room?" asked Li Yen, Zuko's advisor, through the door.

Zuko thought about that. The throne room seemed a bit formal for such a familiar group of people. "No, bring them to my garden once they're settled in, and set up a breakfast setting in there," Zuko answered.

"Yes sir."

Zuko began his meditation, needing the soothing feeling that came from it to calm his beating heart. _I can't let my emotions take over. Katara belongs with Aang, and I just have to accept that. _

As he reached the garden, he was greeted by a single figure, something he had not been expecting. "Where are Sokka and Suki?" he asked politely.

Katara laughed. How he missed that laugh. "They're resting, they said the journey really wore them out. But I'm sure they'll come see you soon," she said, smiling at him and taking a seat on a nearby bench. She gestured for him to sit next to her.

Zuko sat down, enjoying the closeness with her. She looked older, and more beautiful, if that was possible. She had traded in her blue and white parka for a simple dress made of pale blue silk with white lilies on them. She wore her hair in long thick waves that reached her waist. No matter what had changed however, she still wore her mother's betrothal necklace. Zuko wanted to take her in his arms more than anything and never let her leave again, but he held himself back.

Katara looked up at him after a moment of silence. "So how have you been?" she asked.

He met her eyes with a shrug. "The fire nation is beginning to prosper, but it's a long process. So many people profited from the war that they don't know how to make money anymore. It's been hard, but we're stabilizing."

"I didn't ask about the fire nation. I asked about you."

He looked down, afraid to answer. Should he lie to her, or tell her how miserable he's been?

"And where's Mai, I haven't seen her," she asked, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

"Where's Aang?" he asked with equal bitterness.

Katara was taken aback. She wasn't expecting this. "Zuko, he's not . . . with me," she answered slowly.

Zuko continued avoid her gaze. "I can see that, but shouldn't he be here with you?"

Katara looked at him was exasperation. "No, Zuko, he isn't _with me_ with me. I just", she paused and took a breath, "I couldn't do it anymore."

Zuko looked up, surprise evident on his face. "What do you mean, I thought, everyone thought . . ." he trailed off.

"I know," Katara laughed shakily. "But I got tired of playing mother all the time. He's a kid, and I'll always love him. But honestly, it's not the kind of love that really creates a relationship," she said, her eyes began to fill up.

She shook her head and stood up, simultaneously wiping the tears from her eyes. "Anyway," she said, "there's so much food here. We should eat it instead of letting it go to waste."

Zuko looked at her, questions burning on the tip of his tongue. _Stop, _he cautioned himself, _don't push her. She's obviously in a tough spot right now. She needs a friend more than anything._

Zuko stood up and walked over to the table, filled with delicacies and poured two cups of orange leaf and ginseng tea. Another one of Iroh's favorites.

_I'll be her friend, because that's what she needs. And when she's ready, I'll tell ask her to stay, even if it's just for a little while. Because a little while with Katara is so much better than a life without her completely. _With Zuko's resolve set, he began to eat.

And they chatted freely and easily after that, avoiding the obviously uncomfortable topics. They enjoyed the playful banter, and Katara made Zuko laugh more than he had in a long time. Though their relationship was complicated, it was ultimately what they both needed.

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A/N for those of you that are worried, I haven't stopped writing "A Different Kind of Beginning," I just got inspired by this fic. It'll be short, probably one or two more chapters, but I really love the song and I like the simplicity of this piece compared to my other one. Anyway, thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

The Gaang was reunited, and everyone was thrilled. After Toph and Aang had arrived the group was in full party mode. Katara and Aang obviously avoided any one on one time since the break up was still fresh. Meanwhile, Sokka and Suki had to be separated with a stick.

They spent the evening eating and laughing, reminiscing and catching up. It had been quite some time since they had last been together.

As they sat around a bonfire, like they had at ember island years before, Sokka and Suki let them in on a little surprised.

"We're getting married!" Suki squealed, clearly delighted. Everyone cheered and Katara hugged them both in congratulations.

"Is getting married kinda lame though?" Toph said smirking. "I mean, I'm sure you too will have a blast, but I could never see myself doing that. It would be like. . . like losing myself. You know?"

Katara looked at Toph pensively, surprised at the truth of the girl's statement. _If I got married, _she thought, _I wouldn't be able to travel anymore. I'd be stuck in one place forever, and that's such a big part of who I am. I couldn't stand to lose who I am._

Zuko tried not to stare at Katara the whole evening, but it was harder than he'd been expecting. She laughed and smiled, until she heard Toph's statement about marriage. Then her face became thoughtful, as though she were genuinely contemplating the repercussions of such events. With Aang gone, maybe she would be open to someone else. Someone who wasn't a little kid.

One by one, everyone headed off to bed. Everyone, that is, except Katara and Zuko.

"I'm leaving in the morning, Zuko." Katara said, her expression somber.

He looked up in surprised, he needed more time. He stood up and walked over to her, sitting very close. "Why?" he asked.

Katara refused to meet his gaze. "Because I shouldn't stay here," she said, as if stating the obvious.

"Why shouldn't you stay here?"

"Because," her voice beginning to tremble.

"Because isn't a real answer," he whispered.

"Because if I don't I'm going to fall back in again," she cried. "I spent so long getting over you, so long pushing you away because of Mai, and Aang. And I know, I know that if I fall in love with you again, I'll lose so much more than last time. And I'll be the only one, because you have tons of girls falling at your feet, and I don't want to sit around and watch that." Katara then stood up to leave, and she felt a hand around her wrist. Zuko stood up, but didn't let go as Katara stood to face him.

"Why would you ever think that?" his golden eyes burning. "If anything, it'll be me. There is nobody has ever trapped me like you have. I pushed myself away from you because I thought you could never grow to care for me. If I ever married, If I ever ended up 'losing myself' it would be with you. And I'd be happy to do it." Zuko leaned closer to Katara, their faces only an inch apart.

Katara could hear her heart pounding and a voice in her head saying "_here, here, oh here, this is where you should be." _

Forgetting all control, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him. He put his hands on her waist, surprised that she had beaten him to the kiss. She wouldn't leave in the morning, she would stay with him. There were no guarantees in this world, yet they both knew that this was a defining moment for them. He smiled into the kiss, happy that she had chosen to lose herself with him. Because in reality, with him, she would never really be lost.

You can feel the light start to tremble,

Washing what you know out to sea.

You can see your life out of the window tonight.

If I lose myself tonight,

It'll be by your side.

I lose myself tonight…


End file.
